Don’t Make Your Job Your Whole Identity
Uprooting my life at 17 has posed countless challenges, but one of the best things it has done for me was to force me to ask myself:
“Who am I?”
Throughout my early twenties, I struggled with that question as I was away from my communities and alone in a completely different environment and culture. I could be anyone. I could do anything. It was exciting, yet terrifying. I could be no one, and I could end up doing nothing, or ruin my life forever.
That said, I didn’t have much time to ponder—my path had been laid out clearly in front of me: I needed to get a stable job that sponsored my visa, regardless of what that job was. That was my mission.
I ended up joining a graduate scheme and staying there for a total of five years due to my visa restrictions.
I struggled to fit in there. I couldn’t find any role that felt really “me.” I often resented the fact that I couldn’t just change my employer or even do my own things. But, in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise.
It forced me to develop an identity outside of work and find out who I really was.
I couldn’t just numb myself and bury my face in work. I had to face myself. The process was very painful and difficult, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Deep down, I was burning to be “me”, to be free to express myself and live a life that was meant for me.
So I spent all of my free time writing, sharing my experiences, creating my websites, connecting with people from all over the world through my writing, trying new things and learning skills that spoke to different sides of me, asking questions, exploring answers, and discovering myself.
When I had my permanent residence status in the UK, I immediately quit my job without a second thought. It didn’t make a slight difference to who I was in the world because I never depended on it to define me. I understood very clearly that I was more than my job. I was desperate to be more.
After that, I dived into freelancing full-time. While it wasn’t for me, it helped me see my options and what I was capable of without any brand names backing me, which made me feel a lot more secure and prepared.
Last year, I exercised one of those options and got a new corporate job. This time, it’s a beneficial choice, not a depressing trap. And, honestly, I’m happy with it.
But it’s not my whole identity.
It helps explain who I am, but I’m not defined by it.
I don’t see myself through my job. I understand it’s an exchange of value, a give-and-take contract. And while I’m there, I continue to learn more about myself and build connections with the people, not the company.
Given that there are so many layoffs recently, I could imagine, while any job loss is difficult, it must be worse if someone sees themselves through their job and their company. Suddenly, your world is turned upside down, and you question everything.
It’s a reminder to myself and others that, while your job makes up an important part of your life and it’s natural to grieve when it comes to it, you’re more than your job.
Your job is an expression of who you are, without which you’re still you and can express yourself in different ways (and through a new job). While you’re at it, advocate for your needs. Get what you want. Set your boundaries. Spend time discovering who you are outside of work and what makes you feel most you. And build a solid relationship with yourself at the most fundamental level.
In my free time, I write on Loveful Mind, Medium, and this blog and make videos to share on my social media. I’ll keep at it because it makes me feel more me; I do it for me; it brings me closer to myself. I can create value on my own outside of a brand name.
That said, guess what, I’m not defined by the act of writing or making videos either. Because, while jobs and interests can change and so will many things, I’m still me, here, and I know who that is at the core.
